Sunday, January 6, 2008

lazy middle class intellectual

Ok, so I'm not very creative right now. It's the same old lame story; to much to do so nothing gets done. It's sort of my trademark, I venture into projects and ideas just to realize I have no energy or willpower to actually finish them. Right now it's the last essay for the course i'm taking at Uni that is due on friday & I haven't even started writing it... Haven't really done anything when it comes to studies for the last two months or so, a fact that I try to rationalize with excuses like "I can't concentrate on this right now 'cause of the problems at work, the strike & so on, oh poor poor me" but in reality I know that it's just my own fucking fault that I once again started something that I won't finish. the story of my life.

So I've spent the last days on the couch, watching tv, thinking about all the things I should do instead of doing nothing & going back & forth between selfhatred & selfpity. & then I start thinking about all the people in the world that have real problems & what a stupid crybaby I am that only complain & whine over shitty stuff like the fact that I can't pull myself together enough to get this done. & then I cry a little bit more over the fact that the world is such a mess & that it won't get any better even if I actually sit down & write the essay, 'Cause who the fuck cares about my "vision of Africa in 2030"? It just feels so presumptuous to even think about it, like the lifes of millions would get any easier just because a bunch of middle class twenty-somethings from one of the riches countries on earth writes a paper about the future of Africa. Fuck it. Oh Ijust love myself right now!

Sorry for the rant. I'll get back to the crafting when I'm done with my first world anxiety attack. I'm working on a housewarming present that I'm making for my dad (he's moving away from Stockholm at the end of January). Also thinking about learning how to knit, but I'm guessing it won't happen any time soon.

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